Ego and Insecurity

Ego. A word that I use in sessions (1-2-1, parent, teen, family), speeches, and with my team. One with stigma, shame, and fear surrounding it - but one I also believe people don’t fully understand.

Ego is traditionally defined as your sense of self - how you perceive yourself and your abilities in relation to the world. Socially, we’re typically conditioned to view ego as a bad thing. Something we’re supposed to be frightened or ashamed of. How often have you heard people make comments about someone’s “big ego”?

I’d like to dispel that - ego is far from a bad thing. In many ways, having an ego, and a healthy one, is vital to our functioning.

Having a healthy sense of self means believing you deserve to be in certain spaces, also referred to as confidence, and that you deserve to be treated well. It means knowing that you’re capable, you have worthwhile things to offer to the world.

Very fine line between ego and confidence.

Ego means you lift yourself up or make yourself feel good by looking down at others, confidence is when you take people to new heights with you by believing in yourself. (READ THAT AGAIN)

On the flip side of ego, is insecurity, which can often be thought of as the lack of ego. I’m sure we’re all familiar with insecurity, even though we wish we weren’t.

To lead a healthy life, we must strike the balance between insecurity and ego. Making ourselves open to seeing our flaws, feeling them, but also not getting dragged down by them, or overinflating ourselves to the point where we can’t see them at all.

It’s okay to be proud of yourself and confident in your abilities - but it’s also necessary to understand that you are human, you are flawed, you will make mistakes, and that that’s okay. The important thing is not the mistakes you’ve made or the flaws you have, it’s how you address them and move forward.

Maybe some of this discussion is touching a nerve - and if it is, perhaps it’s something to engage in deeper conversations about. In my coaching work, I do so much work with ego and insecurity - they’re the two issues I see the most. And I’d like to extend an olive branch to you and offer a free conversation as a place to get started.

I’d like to validate that feelings of insecurity when seeking coaching may come up for some people - and it’s totally normal, and it’s okay to feel that way. It can be challenging to reach out for help, and many of us may associate seeking help with a personal failing. I promise you, it’s not, and it’s often just the opposite. There is power in saying “I need help”.

Much Love, Dr. Jain