1+1 = 1

I do a lot of relational work. In coaching (1-2-1, teen, parent, family), a large chunk of my work is about interpersonal relationships, and how they function. In my speaking events, I often talk about personal development and how it interacts with interpersonal relationships. My TedTalk is about your relationship with your teen!

Bottom line, I’ve got an intimate understanding of healthy relational dynamics.

And I swear, there’s something in the water this summer, but I have had nonstop conversations with people about difficult relationships. Whether they’re romantic, platonic, or professional, I’m noticing that a lot of these difficulties stem from toxicity or ego.

In a relationship, no matter what kind, it is imperative that you put aside your ego to maintain a healthy functioning. Ego can be a healthy thing - it’s what helps us maintain our self-esteem, push ourselves out of our comfort zones, and stay confident in sticky situations. But when it goes uncontrolled or unchecked, it’s like a bull in a china shop - and your relationships are the things that suffer.

Relationships are not supposed to be 1+1=2 or .5+.5=1. They should be 1+1=1. You are two separate individuals, who have unique and valuable perspectives - you shouldn’t be halves of a whole, but you also shouldn’t be two entirely separate units. You’re two individuals coming together to combine your strengths and form a cohesive team.

I’m not going to sit here and say it’s easy to put your ego aside, admit wrongdoings, or learn to communicate under tension - but if you want to maintain healthy relationships for the rest of your life, it’s vital that you learn to do it.

I frequently have to put my ego aside when my younger team members put me in check - and it was not easy the first few times it happened. I walked away bruised and a little hurt. But after some intentional practice, I am now grateful every time they do it - not only is it a sign of the mindfulness of our team, but it shows strength in our relationship; they feel safe calling me out, and knowing that I’ll listen.

If this story resonates with you, or you find yourself struggling with relationships, toxicity, or ego, reach out to me for a free consultation. I would be happy to help you navigate complex relational dynamics, and foster healthier ones.

There is no shame in seeking a little extra help in your journey to your best self - and who knows what could happen when you welcome someone else onto your team.