Romance… on the rocks!

Romance is something I tend not to talk about. Even in coaching (1-2-1,teen, parent, family) and speaking spaces, I shy away from talking about it. I’m unsure why - perhaps it’s something I need to do some inner work on.

But, I felt compelled to write about it this week, so here I am.

Romantic rejection really hurts. It’s a unique kind of pain that takes your breath away the first time that you feel it. Especially when the relationship you were in, is one that you were deeply invested in, or one that truly made you feel at peace.

I felt compelled to write about it this week to remind you of two things: 1) that a romantic relationship ending does not mean a personal failure and 2) romantic love is part of your life - not your whole life.

When a relationship ends (presuming there’s no abuse or toxicity present… which is a totally different story), it doesn’t mean that you’ve failed as a person, that you’re bad at relationships, or that you’re a bad partner. It simply means that the person you were with, at that particular time, wasn’t a match for you. It can be tempting to ascribe blame in these situations. But again, in the absence of toxicity or abuse, it is as simple as the wrong person/wrong time. That can be a REALLY tough pill to swallow - it often means that there’s no closure or something to be angry at. It leaves you in the throes of grief, mourning the life you could have had with that person.

In the midst of that grief, I’d like to remind you that romantic love is part of your life, but it’s not your whole life. You are made up of so many gorgeous pieces and parts and different kinds of love, that will fluctuate in their presence and value throughout your life. Following a breakup, I encourage you to immerse yourself in the other kinds of love you may overlook. Familial love, platonic love, self-love, there is no shortage of love you can find and offer yourself in the midst of grief.

I want to acknowledge that this is easier said than done, and that it’s never easy to pick yourself up and seek love when you’re grieving. But I promise that if you take that step and put yourself first, you’ll be endlessly grateful you did.

Love is not without loss. Love is not without grief. But how boring love would be if we never had grief to illustrate its beauty.

And if you’re finding yourself in need of some extra support in the midst of grief, a breakup, or something similar, reach out to me for a chat. I’m always here to lend an ear when it’s needed most.

Much love,

Dr. Jain