The difference between self-love and selfishness, and how it impacts, gratitude, self-esteem, and everything else in your life.

Self-love has been a hot trend for a while. For the last few years, it’s been a non-stop theme in my coaching work (1-2-1, parent), motivational speaking, and even in my workshops.

Fairly so - self-love is essential to our well-being as people, and it allows us to fill our cups so we may fill the cups of others. But I’ve also heard confusion over the years about the difference between self-love, and selfishness.

I get it; in a culture that teaches us that putting ourselves first is selfish and inconsiderate, it’s hard to differentiate the two. The easiest way to think about it is that self-love is taking the time and space to identify the things that make you happy, content and at peace, and ensuring that you’re taking care of your mind, body, and soul. It means making sure you’re not taking on things you shouldn’t at the expense of your mental health to please other people. And this can be especially hard as a woman, or as a parent - two roles that are heavily pressured to be selfless, and never take time for yourself.

Selfishness means filling your cup at the expense of others.

A good example would be this: self-love means taking the day off of work when you know your mental health is suffering, and appropriately notifying your coworkers. Selfishness means taking the day off of work without telling anyone ahead of time and letting them flounder in your absence.

The word self-love seems cheesy sometimes - but I want to take a moment to recognize the important benefits that it has. Research has linked self-love with increased self-esteem, higher levels of gratitude and life satisfaction, and stronger interpersonal relationships. So although it can seem frivolous - it really isn't!

If you find yourself struggling with making yourself a priority, saying 'NO' to what drains you, and embracing the life you've always envisioned—WITHOUT GUILT, WITHOUT APOLOGIES, or creating space for yourself, I’d like to invite you to sign up for my workshop “Everything Begins With You”. This workshop is designed to teach you to break out of the restrictive roles you may currently be trapped in, identify patterns in your life you’d like to change, set boundaries, and how to reclaim your happiness. After all, everything begins with you - especially your happiness and well-being.

If you’re afraid to sign up for whatever reason - schedule a conversation with me! We can always talk more about this workshop and what it offers. And if you don’t feel like this workshop applies to you, but you know someone who would benefit, feel free to share this with them. You (and whoever you care about) deserve to feel your best, and I would be honored to help you get there.

Much Love,

Unnatti Jain

Seppala, E. (2023, March 23). The Scientific Benefits of Self-Compassion - The Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education. The Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education. https://ccare.stanford.edu/uncategorized/the-scientific-benefits-of-self-compassion-infographic/