Watching, not Seeing

Years ago, when my son was in high school and on the basketball team, I used to make an effort to attend every game. This was before I started speaking or coaching

But I was arguably not present. I used to watch the games half-zoned out, shouting, “Great job, honey!” whenever my son made a shot or blocked the other team. I cheered and did my due diligence, but I wasn’t actually invested in my son’s games. 

One night late in his junior season, I was watching the game with a friend of mine, and she asked me, “Unnatti, are you watching?” I replied, of course! I saw him make that basket, and he’s doing great! She stopped me again and asked, “I know you watched him make the shot - but did you see him?” 

Her question stopped me in my tracks. I had watched him make that shot. I had watched him make every shot this season. But I hadn’t been seeing how he was feeling, how he moved across the court, his relationship with his teammates, or his post-game feelings. I had been watching my son like a pawn on the TV, not like he’s my son, and someone I should be deeply proud of. I was watching. But I wasn’t seeing, and I wasn’t present. 

This was right around the time I started exploring a career as a coach (1:1, parent, teen, group), and I realized I needed some coaching myself. My friend from the game introduced me to their friend who’s a life coach, and I spent a few months in parenting coaching with her, just in time for the start of my son’s senior basketball season. 

I can tell you every single basket he made that season. As well as how he felt about it, which teammates he likes (and doesn’t) and what his relationship is with his coach. I became a more engaged parent, and I am endlessly grateful for my friend for calling me out - because it changed my relationship with my son, and that change still continues today. He begins his Master’s program in the fall, and we are still as close as ever, and I doubt that would be the case had I not challenged myself and done parent coaching. 

If you want to know more about my journey, schedule a free conversation with me. You deserve to watch the relationship with your children flourish the same way I did.